Romance.... Do girls contribute enough? Options

[J.Da.nie.l Joong]

Hey peoples!! Well I always hear of girls complaining that their relationship doesn't have enough romance, u know the candlelit dinners that the guys might give them, taking them to expensive restaurants and telling them how beautiful they are, that sort of thing. However I think that girls don't contribute enough to romance, they don't do these things that guys would do. Sure, some girls might tell their bf, 'ur everything to me' and that's good, but why do they sound like the romance is meant to be just them on the receiving end, and guys having to do all the work.

I think that girls should do the same thing guys do. They should treat their bf's to an equal amount to how much their bf treats them.

I might have the wrong idea, but it's just what I think, and have seen in the past.

What do you guys think? Do girls contribute enough to romance; compared to what they expect of us guys?

[Nitikie]

If a girl wants to be romantic she can, but do guys take an appeal to candle light dinners, or a walk in the park, or whatever? They are more into sexual stuff. Strip tease any guy will definitely take that over a candle light dinner. No? Unless he's awefully starving, even though it's still not romatic starring someone scarfing food down. Often times, they prefer more exciting fun stuff, vs sitting at a table across one another.

It's like you do use romantic things to get us into bed, and we just turn you guys on very simply and give it to ya. How's that an unfair trade off?

Girls need to be seduced by doing lots of romantic stuff. (doesn't mean all girls) It's not our fault we don't have to work at it to turn you guys on. It's biological, or if you're lucky your girl is horny and will by-pass it.

There is a stage were all romantic stuff is not relevant. It's the connection you two have that has better grounding in the end. It sounds like the girl is just high maintence or being a princess if she constantly needs/wants it. Or she could be comparing her relationship with her gfs. You don't want that.

Romance in my relationship, hmm 2 times a year if lucky(I don't really care for it). That's only going to a nice restaurant. The guy is mannerful and polite. Romance, if they watch alot of tv drama, it's screws up the relationships. Girls expect more out of the guy if they can't differientate what is real love or well in the case of tv...fake. In the case of people coming on here and posting I really love this guy but he doesn't know me. Same thing. Crush vs love...can't differentiate.

Girls do need to contribute in relationships, if all they do is take and take, you're better off with someone else who is on the same level as you are. Romance is basically in the beginning of any relationship, sometimes in spurs during years you've been together, but constantly? Really?? Not necessary unless you don't have anything to keep the girl with you. Constant romance seems like a test, "how much do you love me?" oh please...only little girls do that.

My bf could say that I'm romantic by always cooking for him and cleaning...but I don't see that as a romantic gesture at all. For me, I'm hungry I'm gonna cook and I'll make some for you too. lol It's dirty, I'll clean my stuff and his while I'm at it. lol Silly, but little things like that do make an impression. Even if it's not expensive things. Sometimes cleaning my stuff vs his...OMG It's a work out. Hey least it works off calories and it makes him thankful. That's all I ask of him to be happy. Hmm okay maybe I ran off into tangents....sorry

[J.Da.nie.l Joong]

@nitikie - I agree with what u say, however I do think that we think about more than just sex and food, lol. We might mostly think about those things, but I think a guy would greatly appreciate if he was receiving as much effort to put in romance from the girl as he is doing himself. I mean come on, if u were a guy, u would feel the same way, that u had to work hard to get a girl, and the girl only had to 'pole dance' or whateva and that's it.

[Nitikie]

lol that's true...haha But has she ever done it? How long did it take her to learn to do it?

It's sterotypical that it's expected only from a male, not female. Why? It's how society has made it be. The norm needs to change, but uh....What would you consider a romantic thing for a girl to do for you? I'm just curious, and I do mean in public as well. Cuz I do associate mushy stuff with romance and guys don't do well with that in public. And to make this fair, courting is in public as well, not just private.

[SBW]

eh sex isn't appealing to every single guy...

It just depends tbh...if said guy has never had any proper romance, but kept getting laid, i'm pretty sure he'd be tempted to experience those candlelit dinners and a walk in the park. It's whether or not you lack it.

On romance i wouldn't say girls don't initiate it.

Thing is from my experience, the guy has to show that he would appreciate it in the first place. Girls don't like being seen as clingy either. Romantic things aren't just limited to candelit dinners and all that drama related events. It involves a fair bit of sentimentality as well.

[J.Da.nie.l Joong]

lol that's true...haha But has she ever done it? How long did it take her to learn to do it?

It's sterotypical that it's expected only from a male, not female. Why? It's how society has made it be. The norm needs to change, but uh....What would you consider a romantic thing for a girl to do for you? I'm just curious, and I do mean in public as well. Cuz I do associate mushy stuff with romance and guys don't do well with that in public. And to make this fair, courting is in public as well, not just private.

haha i'm not talking like I have a gf and like she poledances for me, lol. I must admit tho I would like that.

Well yes, that's what my point is. The norm doesn't need to change, it HAS to change, because if society makes it expacted from just males and not females, more things like this will happen, such as providing for a family is expected more from a male, and proposals are only expected from males, lol.

Well I don't really know, however tbh if I did something nice, e.g 'mushy' romantic thing for a girl, I would expect something similar form her, I don't know what specifically, but something similar to what I did.

[Pinkuu]

Hmss.. I'm quite a romantic person and i'm always showing him how much i love my boyfriend and doing sentimental little things for him. It's not that he doesn't appreciate it, but he just doesn't see it as a big thing. My boyfriend isn't really the romantic type but i still make an effort for him in hope that sooner or later, he will eventually return the romance.
To me, i think it depends on an individual. Some people show it differently and some people just don't know how to show it. I'm all about fairness and if it's only one side contributing something to the relationship then maybe the relationship needs to be re-evaulated as it is not fair for one person to do everything in the relationship.

[GirlWithUglyFeet]

Well, I don't consider myself to the be the romantic type honestly. That being said, I wouldn't expect my guy to be Romeo as well. I guess I'm a pretty simple person, I don't want guys to put in the effort of taking me to expensive restaurants. It's not that I don't appreciate it but it makes me feel kind of guilty. I think simple things like opening the car door for you or remembering what your favorite things are is romantic enough. Just my two cents.

[featherlight]

I know what you mean, and I do agree that girls expect way too much (influence of dramas lol) to be swept off her feet, to have the most perfect prince charming who adores and loves her. I mean it's good to have high standards but they have to not idealize the guy too, and see him as human and able to make mistakes or be a jerk sometimes even.
However, if you're in a relationship and you feel like she's not giving enough attention to you, are you sure you're not in love with the idea of a relationship and not with the actual girl herself? If you really love her you wouldn't care, you'd be happy just to be around her.

[J.Da.nie.l Joong]

I know what you mean, and I do agree that girls expect way too much (influence of dramas lol) to be swept off her feet, to have the most perfect prince charming who adores and loves her. I mean it's good to have high standards but they have to not idealize the guy too, and see him as human and able to make mistakes or be a jerk sometimes even.
However, if you're in a relationship and you feel like she's not giving enough attention to you, are you sure you're not in love with the idea of a relationship and not with the actual girl herself? If you really love her you wouldn't care, you'd be happy just to be around her.

haha i'm not in a relationship, i'm just voicing my opinion from what i have seen, and what girls have said to me about the matter. It is true that you should be happy to just be around her, however the same should apply to girls as well. If a girl feels like she's not getting enough attention, then she shouldn't care if she loved him, just like the guy shouldn't care if he loved her.

[Nitikie]

okay, so girls don't give much effort into romance, but girls do alot of maintenance for the relationship and that even goes for maintenance for the guy so he doesn't have to worry or do it. Are you just going to ignore that? That's alot of stuff accumulated in years vs just a few dates to court her. Girls aren't going to court you back when they've already have you. Romantic gestures, cooking for the guy, back rubs/body massage, bubble bath, etc....I've done them all. But that was not to court the guy, it's maintaining interest and doing something nice or fun. It's not that girls don't do anything nice, it just most of the time it's small things that go unnoticed sadly. Sometimes I have to tell my bf what I've done to get some appreciation lol.

Careing thing and love....You can't care about loving someone you just do. It's either you care for the person or it's that you love them. Being in love like I am, all I want is for him to be happy and vice versa. It's never been I don't get enough attention, I make fun of girls who do that. It's quite funny really lol. I notice alot of little things that guys do also that go unnoticed, not the romantic stuff though. Like checking up on the girl or "can I get ya something while I'm up?" type of stuff...Goes unnoticed into a nice gesture, not showing that the person cares. But if they didn't care, they wouldn't ask. It's never really a battle between who cares or loves the other most, it's being happy with what you've got. It's not about being tolerant either. If the girl or even guy is secure with how she feels and with the relationship, she wouldn't have "I need attention" problems. Sadly I know a relationship like that, bad bad marriage...and they just keep making it worse, and she will do that(attention thing) in front of guest or while being a guest....

[J.Da.nie.l Joong]

You're making very good points Nitikie. I respect that, and I do agree with you, however a girl every once in a while should do a big romantic gesture like guys do, since guys do big and little romantic gestures, and I think girls should do the same. I also think that society has made it so we all think that girls cook more than guys, clean more and stuff. That would not be true for every couple, sometimes its the guy that has to play 'house husband', or cook and clean in a relationship.

The question is not about caring and love, and about nice gestures, since thats off the subject. The question is, will girls contribute enough to romance if they haven't already. For example, would you do a big romantic gesture for a guy because you wanted to, at least some of the time? Take into account also that guys might need to be courted aswell. It might not be as easy as 'pole dancing' in front of them. lol xD

[Nitikie]

lol hahahaha, my bf wants to get me a pole to put in the bedroom...yeah huh...only if he gets up there first!!! hahahaha so I can take pictures!

Well ya, courted by the girl first does happen on occasion, but doesn't happen so much as we'd like.

If I have the time to set something up and I'm up to it, of course, but I'd also have to know what he'd want and also depends on his timing as well. You cant' have a romantic night when he's stressed about work. Perfect timing doesn't come so often. Back rubs so I've found are the best so far...

[fookhwa]

I guess it goes both ways, but does a guy really need romance? Don't we yearn more for the intimate, mostly physical times with our gfs?

[J.Da.nie.l Joong]

lol hahahaha, my bf wants to get me a pole to put in the bedroom...yeah huh...only if he gets up there first!!! hahahaha so I can take pictures!

Well ya, courted by the girl first does happen on occasion, but doesn't happen so much as we'd like.

If I have the time to set something up and I'm up to it, of course, but I'd also have to know what he'd want and also depends on his timing as well. You cant' have a romantic night when he's stressed about work. Perfect timing doesn't come so often. Back rubs so I've found are the best so far...

loool, xD i would neva poledance if i was asked. I'm not that desperate as to poledance myself just to watch my gf poledance. lol

haha, so you'd want to do the courting instead of the guys? Well we wouldn't mind at all. xD

Well yes, I agree with you on that, and i'm happy that you would be happy to do a nice romantic gesture for a guy, even if it was sometimes and it had to be at the right time.

[brownie7]

@nitikie - I agree with what u say, however I do think that we think about more than just sex and food, lol. We might mostly think about those things, but I think a guy would greatly appreciate if he was receiving as much effort to put in romance from the girl as he is doing himself. I mean come on, if u were a guy, u would feel the same way, that u had to work hard to get a girl, and the girl only had to 'pole dance' or whateva and that's it.

yes girls and guys should do romantic things for each other, but what is romantic to guys? i'd like to know for future reference

[J.Da.nie.l Joong]

yes girls and guys should do romantic things for each other, but what is romantic to guys? i'd like to know for future reference

haha, to be honest it might be a little different for every guy, I can't generalise. For me I'd just like the same thing that a girl would like a guy to do for them really. lol, sometimes they can be big gestures, i myself am not picky, so little gestures like what nitikie suggested she'd do are great! , and sometimes going to nice restaurants and stuff and paying for it, (I know guys normally do this, but the time a girl is being romantic they should instead.) Those things, for me, I am not generalising, as I have said, are really good.

[× d0ggiel0ver]

Every girl and every guy have different needs ... not all girls fall for romantic guys ..

I don't need candle light dinners or for him to buy me a rose every freaking day. If a guy is like this, he's way too perfect and if he treats me a nice meal everytime, it means he is spending way too much money.

I think a good personality is way more important than trying to be romantic. It's the thought that counts right? If my boyfriend would only say nice things to me, be awfully romantic ... I'd be sick of it.

Personally, I think as bf&gf you should treat each other equally. Or else it won't go well for a relationship. You should look at each others needs, that's all that counts. It's not always about being romantic that makes a relationship successful.

[Oriental_Azn_Gal]

Its just awkward if the girl intitates romantic stuff... some stuff should be left to the guys. But in the end, the reason behind a guy's romantic guestures are to please their female counterparts yes? Girls usually please their counter parts by doing other sweet guestures that the guys would appreciate more. ^^

[seeker123]

Romantic for girls: Speaking nice words to her. Buying her flowers. Nice night out in good restaurant, then a walk somewhere nice.

Romantic for guys: Guys like to know they are loved too. We like to hear it, but don't like being cling'd on to. If a girl can think of something to do to make her guy feel loved, without demanding the guy saying "i love you" back 3 times, each time louder, then that is romantic.