OMG i am so pissed off right now.. i have a cousin who is a few years older than me, she is so unbelievable
She acts as if she is ashamed to be chinese or something, when she's out with her friends and her mom calls her she speaks in ENGLISH, even though cantonese is her first language and her mom is on the other end of the phone speaking canto and thinking "Why the f*ck is my daughter speaking in english?"
When she went to uni, i was like "did you meet any nice chinese ppl" because obv the campus is big and there's loads of people from hongkong studying there n she was all like, "no not really, don't wanna talk to them" and get this, she met one but she only speaks to her in english...what the hell man, i know we're all BBCs but we're perfectly capable of speaking our own language
Oh and another thing she did was, when her parents went to visit her at uni, of course they were expecting to go up to her room, but she wouldnt let them and told them to wait for her in the car because she didnt want her friends seeing them...
So the worst thing is, few nights ago we had this big family gathering and we took group pictures of all the families together and i uploaded them on facebook, i tagged her and she un-tagged herself on every single one of them, if it was just one picture i wouldn't have thought anything of it; maybe she thought it was a bad picture of herself right? and didn't want her friends to see it, but no, she un-tagged about 10 of them, so i was sitting there thinking "Why the hell did she un-tag all my pics?" then it dawned on me, because she didn't want her friends seeing her chinese family

I just really needed a little rant because she pisses me off SO much!!!

don't worry about it. it's just the way she is and you can't change that. i would be angry too cause she's trying to hide who she is in front of her friends. i proud of what i am and i wouldn't even try to hide it.

she doesn't look bad at all.. and untagging 10 pics does shows that she is embarrassed about who she is...

BBC? British Born Chinese? never heard of that one and u got the british accent haha, thats sick wish i did. Neways, thats pretty sad, (Not tryna be mean) she can try and hide who she is right now but, at the end of the day she's chinese, we know and she knows it. Her frds obviously knows she's chinese but to me she wants to hide her background from everybody and act as if she's not some foreign gurl. Don't worry about it though, because one day she's going to come to realization that what she's doing right now is wrong. Give her some time..she's gonna approach some problems down the road regarding her ethnic background and she gonna be dam proud of being a chinese girl.

hmmmm...maybe she is wishing she is something she is not? and somehow she has the idea that being western is cooler than being asian? aiii....

I hate to tell you but your cousin is white washed. She's ashamed to be Asian or Chinese. She's abandoning her roots. Its cool that your family is British Chinese. Yet did your cousin forget that Britain isn't composed of not just white people, but others as well.

I think you're overanalyzing the racial or cultural aspect of it. I just think that she's a different person on campus or with her friends, and a different person with her family and she's having trouble being either of the pesonas when the two parts of her world meet.
Untagging her photos can mean many things. Maybe she just doesn't like to have her pictures taken.

She's white washed :/ You're not alone.... I have 2 cousins like that, which live in the East coast of the US(I live in the West coast and there's more Asian in the west than there is in the east). Well we're a little bit Chinese, but the overall is Filipino. My cousins act like white people, and get surprise at me when I eat eggs with rice ! Ex: "YOU EAT EGGS WITH RICE?? YOU CAN DO THAT??" -____- There's a possibility your cousin will change later in the future, but there's no guarantee she will. You'll just have to accept her decisions even if you don't agree with her. It is a pity she doesn't show appreciation for her race of being Chinese.... Seriously, Chinese people are COOL! I have a lot of friends that are Chinese

I also think you're being too sensitive. I don't seek out people who share my ethnicity. I'm friends with people because of their personality, nothing else. The friends I have who share my second language, we speak in English. I don't understand what is this "loyalty to your heritage" crap so many people carry within them.

And if maybe she is trying to distance herself a bit from her Chinese side, you should try to understand her. It's hard to be "different" and not fit in. To be looked at as an outsider.

She's a self loather! That's what she is!

People like her have a racial/cultural inferiority complex! They want nothing to do with Asians and will only date non-Asians! They're shamelessly disgusting! However, the parents should take half the blame for not instilling any cultural pride in her! How can they take this sh*t from her? They need to disown her already!

Well I understand some of her problems like not wanting your family to go to your dom because your friends are there... I wouldnt want that either, it feels kinda embarrassing because it feels like your still a kid and your family has to pick you up or something but the thing about untagging your family pic?! I mean wtf that is just wrong. She looks fine on the pic I dont see anything wrong with it. It kinda pisses me off too seeing and reading this but then I also pity her. If she was part of my family, I would be sooo ashamed... >.<

lol same thing with my couzin hahah

she's totally white-washed
its her life and its herself...

i grew up in nz and im stil asian myself hahahah whitewashed is DUMB!(but not really but too sadist)

Well in my opnion, I think White Wash is different from rejecting your own race. I mean white wash, mean well you grew up in a white man country, you don't know about you culture or language etc.

But I think her cousin want to reject her language and culture. Which I think chinese call them "Mong Boon" (Reject Past). Which I find kind of upsetting, because I actually know some people like that. They are Chinese, but they hate thier own culture and language, and wnat nothing to do with it, and act like they are born in America and stuff, when some of them don't even speak English right, and have horrible accent, but they still pretend that they are not chinese.

dude, she has 801 tagged pics of her =.=

Damn i don't see how people can think it's alright for my cousin to do this to 'fit in', what.. so imagine if a white guy goes to hongkong and wants to fit in, do you expect him to shout "i'm not english.. i'm not different' so that's basically what she's trying to do, only she hasn't said out loud "i'm not chinese", because to be frank if she did.. i would smack her one
i mean how many chinese people are there all over the world, there are sh*t loads!! so why would you need to do all that stuff to hide what you are...because she's crapped up and if anyone agrees with what she is doing then they are crapped up too
I'm not overly obsessed with being loyal to my heritage or whatever, it's not like i have the china flag tattooed on my ass or anything, but if someone is ashamed of what they are then they aren't really gonna be truly happy in life cause you can't escape that
I have english friends..infact 80% of my friends are english, and no.not because i don't like chinese people! it's only because there was only 2 chinese people in my highschool including myself, it was only when i started a college that i met loads - yet i never found the need to speak in english to my mom on the phone, hell i'd be standing there for like 5 minutes saying stuff like "GNOR NG FAN LEI SIC FAN LU.." and i dont even have to worry about my friends laughing because they wouldnt and also have no reason to..so i dont see why she should be any different

well, when i speak to my parents, i have to speak english (evethough they speak canto) because im terrible at my own language. maybe its the same for her.

lol she is ashamed to be chinese? the way i see it, theres no running away from who she is, literally, her skin is yellow and it'll stay that way. unless she takes the whole white thing and goes to far... but other than that her skin will always be yellow, her hair will always be black, her eyes will always be brown.

have u tried talking to her?

You sound like I should know this for some reason.


Well as far as I understand she hasn't been shouting out loud that she is no different, or that she isn't chinese, so to me it might as well be you overanalyzing and putting words in her mouth. So how about you calm down a bit before jumping to conclusions? How about looking at her with eyes unclouded for a moment? I hope that's what you came here for - a second opinion - not to have people clap your shoulders and tell you what you want to hear.
And so far - in MY opinion - nothing you have come up with shows that she loathes her ethnical or cultural background. All I see is that you are very eager to interpret it as that.


First of all I'm not saying that it is okay, I'm saying that that actually might not be what she's doing. If you could ease off about this obsession of yours then maybe you could cool down enough to actually read what's being said.
Second of all even if I did think that it was okay, I don't take kindly to people saying that I'm crapped up. I'll let it slide this time, but if you insult me one more time I am going to make you feel really small and really stupid.


You don't get to tell people what makes them happy or not. Happiness comes in different sizes and shapes depending on who you are, and you don't know for a fact that she would be happier doing what you think is the best for her. So let's pretend for a moment that she is what you think she is, then who are you to ruin the choice she has made for her life? Your role as a caring relative, or even simply as a decent human being, is to respect her choices even if they are mistakes from your point of view. If she's hurting someone else - stop her. If she's only hurting herself then let her be.

Instead of getting in here and complaining about her - getting virtually nothing done about that which you are so frustrated about - how about you just ask her to sit down and have a heart to heart with you one day.
Just ask her in a polite and calm manner why she's untagged her photos, why she doesn't speak chinese on the pone, why she doesn't want her family on campus and so on. Then you come back here and write what she said. Then I'll know for sure what her problem is. Aside from one or two people these other posters are too blind to see that it could be something else.
But if you're just here to complain and have people agree with you - by all means, knock yourself out. I'm outta here.

The only thing i agree with on this is the "You sound like I should know this for some reason", but then again, did i say something like "Dude are you f**k*ng stupid?? she has 801 pics of herself" i simply TOLD you she had 801 pics
Make me feel really small and stupid? oh pu-lease!! you're someone off the internet, like i give a sh*t what you think about me.. so say whatever you want, the most i would do is read it and think 'oh..thats so mean' but then i'll get over it
And anyway, as you said you're 'outta here' GOOODBYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Yeah because 'dude, she has 801 tagged pics of her =.=' is just as innocent as 'she has 801 pics of herself'. And yeah since you're complaining about it it usually means that you don't agree. You're just reeeaally good at reading people or understanding simple things aren't ya?

And what the f*ck?! You're insulting me and now instead of apologizing you're b*tching about my reaction?? This is just a i]wild[/i] guess but you wouldn't happen to have been called an unreasonable little sh*t by anyone prior to this have you? Be hoooonest.

Oh I'm just someone off the internet. Who gives a sh*t right? Well certainly not someone who would reply to my shitty little posts. That just shows how little such a person would care about little old me. I might be mean, but if you're hurting it's because it's the truth. You don't like my tone? That makes you a f**k*ng hypocrite too on top of all the other shitty things that you are.

You're right about one thing though. I can't make you feel small or stupid. Only you can. But after this mishap you'd have to be pretty delusional to think that you're on top of things. So here's what I think (and I'm sure it means absolutelytutsy nothing to you): you're too hasty with your conclusions, you don't have the faintest idea about respect for other than yourself, you're all defensive if someone has a different opinion and you're a hypocrite and it sure as hell doesn't look good on you.

You'll probably go on with your life now and forget that any of this was said about you, but it was indeed said and it was indeed about you, so if someone else were to say some of the same things to you in the future then don't go and act all surprised.

Now why don't you show me a little more of how much you don't care. Didn't think so. I don't know if your cousin should distance herself from her heritage, but she should definitely keep away from you. Don't cry yourself to sleep now. It would break my heart

Oh that was just beautiful, thank you very much for taking so much time out of your life to write me such a looooooooooooooooong reply
and FYI i commented back because this is MY topic, what's your excuse, my few lines in comparassion to your beast of a essay really shows you cares more
have a nice life

Or it could be she's embarrassed to speak cantonese in front of her friends. Hell I know I am.. I feel all awkward and all when I speak chinese in front of mine.


Most people don't want their friends meeting their parents regardless of racial background...

I don't think she is ashamed of her race...

aw heck i wish i speak cantonese...i used to but my grandpa died and my mom stop speaking it
just forget about that cousin...i have some like that. she refuse to wear girl stuff and she buy boy skater wannabe emo stuff that she thinks make her look cool. she's only fricking 9. ugh!

p.s. she doesn't speak her native language AND treats her mom like trash *_*

Does anyone know any white people who'd be embarrassed to speak English/French/Spanish/Italian to their parents on the phone being among a group of Asians or being in Asia???

Now, you all can stop arguing! She's a self hater!

that's freaking rude.. and besides what ever she do she can't change the fact that she's a chinese (hihih! i'm a Filipino and i know someone who's a Filipino but doesn't want to admit that he's a Filipino too he's too ashamed that he's from Philippines damn!) well just don't stress yourself thinking about that.. its a waste of time.. what ever they do to change or pretend and even if they're so ashamed of their races still its the fact and they just have to accept it.. and not to hide from it..

Ouch, that hurts.

But yeah, there are people like that here and there. Maybe it's not so much that she despises being Chinese, but that she just would rather be something else? Sometimes I think I would like to be South Indian or something. You know, for darker skin and bigger eyes and longer eyelashes. And she could just be untagging herself because she's trying to create some kind of image for herself, I suppose? I mean, I do that too - I like to come across as the artsy/quirky type, so I generally try to get rid of most pictures that don't portray that (though not to the extent of untagging all family pictures). Haha.

Guess there's no helping it, really.

If she's white-washed then so be it.

But untagging her name from her own family photos? Not cool.


You should do your family a favor and smack her, seriously wtf.

Wow. I don't understand why people bother to post here if they are going to go insane whenever someone disagrees with them.

The fact of the matter is that you're judging her based on your assumptions. The things you have said in no way proves that she's "ashamed" of her heritage. But after reading your responses, I can see that being open minded is not something you appear to be good at.

Or she's just ashamed about her own nationality. Could be many factors, but I don't agree to what she is doing. At the very least, speak to mum/dad in whatever language they are speaking to you...

Does she have to state that she's a self hater for you to believe it? She obviously is one!

Don't want to speak Cantonese to her parents? Don't want to talk to Chinese students? Don't want her friends to see her parents? Un-tagging all her pics?





That's different! Well, at least you're going against the status quo. Everyone else just wants to be white.

If anything, I'm a BBC as well..but amongst my friends, I'm not scared to speak to my mom in cantonese (well actually, she doesn't understand English but in any case, I'd still speak to her in cantonese). My friends thinks it's cool and would love to learn my language...

I can totally see it from your view, why you are so mad about it...
Have you tried talking to her? She has to realize that this is who she is. Maybe she can change who SHE is inside, but she can never ever change her colour...or who her family are. She needs to start respecting that being part of a different culture to her friends is cool.

She is probably scared to show the world who she is and tries to hide it by being as "white" as possible...she's insecure perhaps?

By your post I guess you don't like me then. I don't think we got to choose who we want to be, and hey if you like who you are, more power to you, but the truth is you could be Black or you could be Hispanic, it all just a random draw.

Hey animalcrackerz, don't give up hope.

I was born in China and came to the US when I was about 10 years old. Lost my own roots until I was roughly 18 years ago. I became white-washed as hell. Ashamed of my own culture. Brainwashed to believe in Western superiority, of how China is a backwater shithole with a crappy, evil, despotic political institution and how American and the West are the best! Obviously, all of my friends were white.

Only about 2 years ago did I start hanging out with Asian people once more. My best friend is actually Brasilian, but everyone else is fob Chinese from Hong Kong. I finally understand just HOW MUCH racism and underlying hate there is against Asians here in the US, even if the white people don't realize they are acting in such a way.

I am so ashamed of the fact that I went through that phase, trying to crush my own culture and assimilate into what?! A country with a 200-year-old political institution that they now try to push on the rest of the world? Disgusting.

Thank you but, I'll stick with my 3000+ year old history and roots. Hopefully she will come around. If not, I only feel sorry for her. When the Westerners were still building huts in their little forests, we had institutionalized socialist governments and dynasties, technology lightyears beyond what they've done.

Then we suffered around 200 years of withdrawal and humiliation, not only at the hands of the West but EACH OTHER (how sad is that?).

Anyways, I hope she realizes just how superior her own culture is. (and it's happening again. China is rising . . . for the better).

was she ever bullied for being Chinese?.... or simply she doesn't feel like chinese anymore and she find find her family repulsive...coz you know sometimes Chinese ppl can do a lot of weird things

Wow, kinda harsh. I don't think that those type of people should be disowned.

geez~whats wrong with u?
DarkLink try to make u understand something. and didnt u asked for understanding? i think its u who thinks too much! u even didnt talked with ur cousin so can u read her mind? do u think ur god or what? i think lot of people around must be pissed off coz of u!
u get too fast angry and b*tch around like a child.
i dun know u ~ but what u wrote above its not really clever!

lols. same thing with my two classmates. One is a guy and he pretended that he was an Inuit... fist, we believed him but two years later, guess what? I saw him in my Chinese School...also, his last name is Ping..that's SO chinese.

another girl in my class pretended that she was a Cambodian, but she knows a lot of Taiwanese,Chinese and HK celebrity and I notice that she can read Traditional Chinese lol.

I just dont get the reason why people are so ashamed to be chinese. Is it because we eat insects or some animals or is it because we're poor??

i was never shame of my own race..ever i was always proud to be filipino japanese chinese okinawan =D..but being ashamed of your own race..idk i guess ish because there are so much people that are racist and so much different stereotypes that make some races feel like crap..but damn its like dont let that kinda crap bring you down...

No matter what, I think that everyone should be happy with who they are, what language they speak, & the people they live with. From what I understand, she just has to except that she is Chinese because there is no way to runaway from it. Overly taking pride in your own race is too much though. Just feel a since of dignity for who you are & be courageous to do what you do....no one should be ashamed of who they are, but it also doesn't mean that someone is more or less than someone else.

That is really messed up. Sooner or later your cousin will mature and appreciate her heritage.
Right now it seems like she's lost her own identity and is embarrassed of what she truly is.

Wow, I've never heard of Chinese pretending to be Inuit or Cambodian before!!!! I know of Chinese pretending to be Japanese or Korean but Inuit?? Cambodian??

Anyway, I think it's because China is poor and has a bad image of fake goods, poisonous toys, oppressive government, overpopulation etc.

I can understand how your cousin feel but seeing that I'm third gen, I really don't have much of a connection with the country. I don't see why people should connect me with the country really. I feel very uneasy with mainlanders because I worry they think I'm not "Chinese" enough.

I think maybe the best attitude is try not to think about race/culture too much and just concentrate on doing well in life.

because rasicism still exists in this world. Is it shameful for someone whom tries to fit into the society they live in? lets face it you aint in china or whereever you were from. Speaking english in a english speaking country is perfectly fine.

well, there could be a reason why some people are ashamed of their own race.. but still.. it hink you should be proud of it. u r that person! and no matter what happens, the race still runs in your blood. be happ and live life like no other! hahahas! im proud to be a filo!

BBC me too me too. i speak a lot of english but that is because my canto is poor, but ive been practising it. maybe its just easier for her to speak english because she is used to it? and she might not be ashamed of her the fact that her parents are chinese because unless she was adopted, duh they would be chinese, and her friends would know that, right? maybe.. her parents speak too loudly (typical chinese thing) and she is embarassed of them..as them, not as chinese. and the photos thing. again, if she is chinese.... surely her friends arent dumb enough to think her family wouldnt be? maybe you are being a bit oversensitive. she just doesnt embrace her culture as much as you do?
personally, i love being chinese and i dont think im chinese enough. so the opposite. everyone should eb proud of their own culture !!

I have some friends and in fact cousins who are also ashamed of our race, being a filipino. They are still my friends and obviously still my cousins, but it pisses me WELL BAD everytime they deny that they are filipino. the thing that pisses me of the most is that they are trying to be someone else and especially they are trying to be white. I mean how do you expect to be respected if you dont expect the culture you come from. Sometimes I myself are ashamed just being with them, cos its soo insulting to our family and to all filipinos i guess. But I cant also blame them for just wanting to be like everybody else [cos we live in england] and wanting to fit in. But in my opinion trying to be someone else and trying to change your background is not the way to do it.

I think it's sad that there's some people out there who seem to be "ashamed" of their own race, or deny their own culture, after all, our race and cultures are part of who we are...denying your own race is like shutting away a important part of yourself.