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i love him, he loves me, but he cant be with me... =(


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#1 sisi_0228

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Posted 13 September 2008 - 05:17 AM

hey, im new to this, and i just want some advice/opinion from you guys >_<

so me and this guy we were dating for a good 6 months, but inbetween we went on and off a few times. we were each others' first, and whenever were together, everythings good. but right now, he tells me that he doesnt feel like being in a relationship, and that he just wants to stay single for a bit. he tells me he loves me, and i believe him cuz i can feel it. just like in the past when he broke up with me and when i talked to him, i could feel that he does. he'd care for me and call me up all the time. and later on he came back to me and we were together again. and when i asked him if we can still be together, he says not now. and he said maybe in the future, he cant promise anything. its been about 2 weeks since were not together now, and we havent talked much ever since. we talk a bit at night sometimes, but not for long cuz he's got school, work and is tired >_<. when we talk about normal things, things seem fine, but the thought of us not being together just makes me sad inside. im scared that another girls is going to take him away from me cuz a few times, he told me that there are these girls who are flirting with him and stuff (this girl he just met told him to carry her books for her to class and keeps flirting with him..), and of coruse hes not a mean guy right, so he does that back. he says he doesnt like her, but he told me that he's scared taht even though he doesnt like her, there are those thigns that girls do that just makes the guys like them even if they didnt before. and i get scared... cuz i dont want to lose him, even though if were not together. and its funny, but cute. he told me that he loves me, but he doesnt want to be in a relationship right, and he said that he doesnt want to lose me.
and he also said that he wants to be with me but there are things that make him dont want to... (like my dad and other ppl who keep trying to seperate us) and the last time i talked to him, the other night when he was about to hang up, he told me he loves me and when he said that it made me cry =( cuz i still love him, and he still does too, but hes not mine =( i just wish we were back together.. people tell me to move on, but its hard cuz all my friends dont know how our relationship was. they say negative things about him but they dont even know every little thing that happened. if they were me they would understand. but me and him went through so much together, i'd always help him out, and when he did wanted something i'd always try my best to get it for him. he knew this, and i know that he'll always remember it. and when i think back, for his birthday, i spent alot on him, and i know he really liked them, and he told me that for my birthday he would owe it all back to me. he got me a necklace with a heart on it with my initials on it, and my birthstone. it was so expensive, and he still got it for me <3 i remember him telling me that it didnt matter how much it was, cuz he loved me and thats all that mattered. it made me so happy, and still now when i wear it, i think of taht. so much has happened and when im sitting here thinking, he's the one who i just cant stop thinking of.. i love him, he loves me, but why...? has this ever happened to you guys? will we ever get back together....? =(

#2 katrie

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Posted 13 September 2008 - 06:50 AM

Actually I think it's not fair for him to keep telling you that he loves you, and at the same time tell you that you two can't be together.

Why does he think he gets to keep a hold on you like that? That's what he's doing, he's holding you back... Something in his life may be keeping him from being with you right now, but he's not telling you what it is, and he's not letting you go. He's not letting you get over him. Doesn't that sound selfish and unfair to you?

If you guys can't be together right now, no matter how much you love each other, you shouldn't be holding each other back... You should be free to experience other relationships. If it's meant to be, then eventually you'll find your way back together. But for the time being you should be living your own life...

#3 Allure~

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Posted 14 September 2008 - 09:32 AM

First of all, if he loves you then he shouldn't be scare that he'll fall for another girl. I smell a commitment phobic. Secondly, I've been through something similar and you know, it gets very annoying. If you love him and he loves you like he said, then tell him to be a man and be with you already. Why be a drama queen and put you through all of this crap? Its not fair for him to keep you guessing or worrying whether or not you guys will be together. I say give him an ultimatum, either he be with you or you move on because you can't keep living like this. Put the cards in your hands instead of his.

#4 Pyro

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Posted 16 September 2008 - 07:50 PM

sooner or later either one of your hearts will fade away, a change of heart, long lasting of waiting is too much...did he ask you to wait for him? are you willing to wait?

#5 dinky-monkey

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Posted 16 September 2008 - 10:35 PM

Well, IMAO, the guy isn't that much into you. Sry... I think he just likes you very much, but he definitely doesn't love you.

Quote

so me and this guy we were dating for a good 6 months, but inbetween we went on and off a few times. we were each others' first. but right now, he tells me that he doesnt feel like being in a relationship, and that he just wants to stay single for a bit. he tells me he loves me. just like in the past when he broke up with me and .... he'd care for me and call me up all the time. and later on he came back to me and we were together again. and when i asked him if we can still be together, he says not now. and he said maybe in the future, he cant promise anything. its been about 2 weeks since were not together now, and we havent talked much ever since. we talk a bit at night sometimes, but not for long cuz he's got school, work and is tired >_<. when we talk about normal things, things seem fine. im scared that another girls is going to take him away from me cuz a few times, he told me that there are these girls who are flirting with him and stuff (this girl he just met told him to carry her books for her to class and keeps flirting with him..), so he does that back. he says he doesnt like her, but he told me that he's scared taht even though he doesnt like her, there are those thigns that girls do that just makes the guys like them even if they didnt before. he told me that he loves me, but he doesnt want to be in a relationship right, and he said that he doesnt want to lose me.

I just left out your opinions (like "it was cute" etc.) to see what he actually does said to you.

#6 sisi_0228

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Posted 18 September 2008 - 06:18 PM

you guys are right >_< so much has just happened recently again... and i just dont get it anymore.. thanks for ur opinions guys, thanks. i just talked to him last night, and its complicated. he said the same thing, he wants to be single. and i just talked to him normally, i asked if he wanted to hang out tmrw, and hes like no im busy. then he said to me that its about time i really move on. and it hurt me so much... and i asked him why, and he told me that as of right now, he sees me more of just a friend. and i asked him if he liked another girl, and he said not really. i just told him to just be honest, and he told me that its not that he likes them, he just kinda has them in mind. one girl he said is in his class but he doenst even know her. he siad he doesnt like her, he just thinks shes interesting or something.. and the other girl.. shes a b*tch.. when me and him were going out, she would do anything to seperate us. she knew we were going out and still flirted with him. and one time i was at work, and she purposly went with him to my work and she had her arms linked with his just to piss me off. and she told him i gave her cut eye when i didnt even do that. and he ended up telling me that she did that on purpose cuz she wanted to piss me off. and she would always tell him that she likes him whenever we make our relationship public. tahts when he would get upset and feel confused... i just cant believe the other girl is her... before i use to think he did like her. but he told me he didnt. and i believed him over time cuz he stopped talking to her. but she would always be msging him and stuff... and as of right now... knowing that he wants to be single... i know she wants to take him away from me... she hates me and i never even did anything to her... so anyways... i asked him if he really did like her, and hes like he doenst like her like her, but its more then a friend. and its weird.. cuz usually when we talked about this stuff.. he would either sound upset or mad, but this time... he was normal... and he was like to me, your sweet, kind and just perfect. any guy would be lucky to have you. and i asked him then why... and he said he knows no one will ever treat him the same way, but he thinks im not what hes looking for. he told me taht im too quiet sometimes... but i told him... sometimes i dont want to bother him... but i duno... he siad he wants a girl who can be his friend, and be his girlfriend at the same time. as we were talking... he never got mad... i felt that his feelings are still there... thats when he had to go and said i love you hunny. and it made me cry when he did this.

but heres the thing... before in the past... he did tell me taht he moved on from me, and that we both should not see each other again. and he also told me taht he doenst miss me... but a few weeks... he did miss me... and came back. just like this time.. he also told me he doenst miss me... but will he miss me after a month? and he said to me that i wasnt the one for him, but he still came back to me, and when he said he sorta liked another girl, he didnt. will he still come back...? or is it for real this time? i dont know, and im really hurt... i just want him back, i cant forget him just like that... and i still remember he told me a while ago that no matter what happens if ew break up that he'll still always love me. but i dont really get... do u guys know? and when i asked him if we would ever date again, he said maybe.

sorry i talk so much >_< but i just really need to talk right now =(

#7 ne12o

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Posted 20 September 2008 - 09:00 PM

it's funny.
Wathcing too much movies lately?
It seems like the "I love you, but can't be with you" line will get any girl for you.

#8 vintagy

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Posted 22 September 2008 - 09:39 AM

Hes leading you on, giving you mixed signals, telling you he loves you and doesnt love you at the same time, telling you he loves you but he cant be with you...wtf? That guy has go to go hun. he doesnt deserve you at all. You've really got to move on. I know its tough but sometimes, you've just got to do what you've got to do. He isnt straightforward and clear at all. If you really dont want to salvage what you have with him yet, ask him straight up. If he still isnt clear about his feelings and thoughts, and still sends you mixed signals, you've got to let go and move on.

#9 flyingsolo

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Posted 22 September 2008 - 02:27 PM

his probably keeping you as an option... giving you an excuse that he wants to be 'single' while his trying to work things with another chick!

#10 DQ427

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Posted 22 September 2008 - 03:58 PM

you are right... i don't know you and i don't know him, so there is only so much we can say. But from the way you're telling things is that this guy isn't really worth your time and your thoughts. He calls you every now and then to make sure he still has your heart, has you as a spare tire. Sure you did a lot for him, seems kinda one sided to me, its all for him, and what did he get you, some expensive necklace, money cannot but love. you sound like a caring and sweet girl so i dont think its money you're in after.

I think you should tell this guy of yours, that you guys need a break, no seeing each other, no phone calls, just no contact, period. And he can call you when he stops being immature and is willing for commitment. No girl deserves to be dragged around by someone who is nothing to them. As for you, you should keep a separate journal diary of this guy. you would write in it everyday that you think of him. and if you don't think of him that day, you don't have to write in it. This will work, trust me :-P a guy with experience here. all wounds take time to heal :-)

#11 Yingyang

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Posted 23 September 2008 - 04:23 PM

I kindda have the same experience as yo do. But the diffrent is that I was together with this guy. Not for a long time but it's still memory when I think back about it. When he broked up with me yesterday, I asked him "Do you still like me?" and i got the answer "Yes, I do. very much" It's just that he needs the time for himself right now and it's not really the right timing for us to have a relationship (one of the reason is that my mom don't let us) But I do know how it feels, it feels hard and it hurts alot. I still hope that he will come back in the future when he feels he is ready for a new relationship with me again. But at the same time I'm just like you, very scraed that his ex will take him fom me, bacuse they were together in like almost 3 years and they broke up just a several months ago, I know that he hasn't fogot her yet and i also now that she still likes him but a another guy at the sam time.
I'm trying to move on now, until he comes back I will go out, and if i find a guy i would date him etc Maybe I can forget him by the time or maybe i will fall for him again if he comes back a few months later. No one can tell, but my suggestion to you is trying to move on and not think about it more, it will prove if his love for you is real or not.

#12 sisi_0228

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Posted 26 September 2008 - 04:59 AM

thank you guys >_<
@ DQ427 -> i like ur idea~ and i cant help but think of him every night =(

*sighz* should i even at least try talking to him?
when i tried to call him he wouldnt pick up =(
why is he ignoring me...?
he said to me that he will talk to me when he's ready...
but somehow, it feels like he's only saying that so i'll stop talking to him..
is he really trying to move on from me..?
does he really like that girl who's so mean...?
what exactly is he thinking/feeling?

#13 Presato

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Posted 26 September 2008 - 03:57 PM

Obviously, you like him way more then he likes you.
In my point of view he was trying to hint you that he can't be with you no matter what, but if one day he can't find no other girl to be with then he can always come back to you.
In another word he is using you as a spear tire.
Remember, to find someone you like is very easy but to find someone who likes you as much as you loved him is very difficult. My point is just go look for some else that worthed you time.

#14 justjk11

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Posted 27 September 2008 - 02:27 AM

have you ever heard of the saying that if you really love him, let him go. If he loves you too, he'll come back to you. Maybe he really isnt ready for a relationship. Maybe he has got too much on his mind. Some guys are like that, they cannot cammit to a relationship or to anyone if they cannot take care of themselves first. So maybe he just needs time to sort out all his thoughts and get his life together before he can be with someone





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