Jump to content

AF needs funding again

Photo
- - - - -

boyfriend pays for everything


  • Please log in to reply
122 replies to this topic

#1 Bexerella

Bexerella

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • AF-newbie
  • PipPip
  • 51 posts

Posted 11 December 2009 - 12:23 AM

not sure if this should be in maturity matters tbh..

my boyfriend pays for everything. when we go to eat, movies, days out etc. he's also very serious about repaying the money i spent on us the other day when he couldnt find a cash machine.

since were very comfortable talking about anything, i asked him why he insists on paying for everything, and that i dont mind paying sometimes. he answered he has a very traditional view, and that the guy should pay and take care of the girlfriend. "..yeung lui pan yao" <-- canto, thats the exact phrase he used.

he is abit younger than me and works, while im still a student but works in holidays. im not sure if that has anything to do with it since were in the 21st century..

so guys, what are your views?
girls - do you like being spoilt by boyfriend? or feel you dont need a guy to support you? personally i feel i dont need a guy to pay for things since i was paying for stuff before i had a boyfriend, so it doesnt make a difference.

guys - do you think its normal to pay for girlfriend? does it make you feel you are a 'gentleman' and taking care of you girlfriend?

please also state you ages if you could thanx! im 20 x

#2 alwaysmile4ever

alwaysmile4ever

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • AF-newbie
  • PipPip
  • 38 posts

Posted 11 December 2009 - 01:08 AM

im 16. I like paying for myself cuz i feel bad that my bf has to pay. but sometimes when he offers, i let him cuz he feels bad himself that i always say no. But then again, im also only 16, and neither of us have jobs. My money comes from Chinese New Year and such, but his money just comes from his mom, like he just asks his mom for money and she gives it. So, in that way, i feel like im just askign for his mom to pay for me =/ but, yeah, bottom line, i feel bad if he pays for me, but i let him do it sometimes

#3 ♥starlight♥

♥starlight♥

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • AF-newbie
  • PipPipPip
  • 371 posts

Posted 11 December 2009 - 02:23 AM

I've always insisted on paying for myself or paying for the both of us when I went out with my boyfriend but I understand when sometimes my boyfriend would push and say that guys should pay for girls especially if the girl is his girlfriend. That's why sometimes I allow him to pay but most of the time I feel bad for him lavishing money since we're both just students. I find it unjust.

I am 19

#4 Shun Takashi

Shun Takashi

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members+
  • PipPipPip
  • 810 posts

Posted 11 December 2009 - 12:34 PM

why cant i find girls like you around here in my area. >_<.
for a male ego they want to be a man and pays up.
but if you look at in a different angle, in a relationship, it be good for women to pay too.

after all when you both got married, his money is your money, your money is his money, would you like he go broke just because he pays a lot before. and you'd complain you marry the wrong person cause he became poor.
^ its kinda weird way of saying it. but something in those lines.

#5 brilliance

brilliance

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members+
  • PipPipPip
  • 501 posts

Posted 11 December 2009 - 07:17 PM

im 21. and i'd say it's about 70:30 for me. depends though what is being purchased here. if it's something thats for the both of us i usually step up and offer to pay but if it's something totally for herself like her girly stuff then i usually let her pay but only sometimes do i pay for her girly things. but yeah for dinner sometimes we split, sometimes i pay the whole. i mean he must like you to want to pay for everything! money doesn't come by that easily!!

#6 hello melody/kitty

hello melody/kitty

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members+
  • PipPipPip
  • 866 posts

Posted 12 December 2009 - 01:11 AM

Your boyfriend is a very generous person who likes to be a proper gentleman and takes care of his girlfriend, if you feel bad about it, talk to him and let him know your view. When my husband used to date, we took turn to pay for the meal, at first he was relutant with the idea and I felt it was unfair of him paying all the time, haa haa as time when on, he got used to it and it was very normal. If not why not try paying your own meal instead!!!! Another word, you boyfriends likes to be old fashion minded but there is nothing wrong with that, this age is very different, it is fine and normal for a female to treat a male.

#7 Bexerella

Bexerella

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • AF-newbie
  • PipPip
  • 51 posts

Posted 12 December 2009 - 01:55 AM

thanks for the replies =]

i guess it just felt wierd cos i dont want to be seen as a female who needs all the support from my boyfriend. i know for sure i can stand on my own two feet, wether i have a boyfriend or not, so for him to pay everything kinda offends me abit. but it probably offends him too if i paid lol or he wouldnt feel 'man' enough if the lady pays haha!!

is that how guys feel?! please share! :lmao:

#8 Shun Takashi

Shun Takashi

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members+
  • PipPipPip
  • 810 posts

Posted 12 December 2009 - 09:26 AM

not all would feel that way, depends on the guys mind set and both of your mind set towards your relationship.
it'd probably apply if the guy have a huge ego.

i have this experience once, 2 girls, one of them is the girl that i liked, and the other is her friend,
her friend wanted to eat some fast food, me and the other girl, didnt really want to but since were together, we tag along.
at first its agreed upon that we pay for our own share. well it'd be only her own share cause she the only one who wanted to eat. lol.
so i came up to her (this is her friend) and offered to pay, treat her, she refused but i insisted. then suddenly the other girl (one that i liked) suddenly pops out of nowhere behind me and say, i want that and that and that.
i asked her before is she wanted something she didnt say yes, cause she thought that we pay our own share which we all agreed before.
just so happens i decided to pay for her friend cause she's the only one eating, she suddenly wants tihs and that? (cause i pull out my wallet) hehe. funny experience.

Edited by Shun Takashi, 12 December 2009 - 09:27 AM.


#9 p14n0princess

p14n0princess

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • AF-newbie
  • PipPipPip
  • 88 posts

Posted 12 December 2009 - 12:31 PM

its so sweet that he is paying for you! i personally wouldn't mind!

#10 el_rey

el_rey

    [ SMILE ] :: el rey ::

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 4552 posts

Posted 12 December 2009 - 12:45 PM

This is solely from observation and understanding what this word "traditional" meant to my friends.
Traditional is usually related to how they were brought up, what they observed and what they would like to preserve. When a person speaks of tradition, take a look at their family and usually they would like to preserve that.

A traditional man, may expect a traditional woman (be very careful about this especially if you don't feel like a traditional woman)

For me, i hang on the tip of my tongue, "As long as she's happy", so most things i do i observe and if i sense some guilt or even see a frown, i would prefer to discuss it and change my ways. I feel happier when what i do doesn't put the person i love in an awkward, guilty or unhappy position. It can't be helped because i'm not perfect but i try not to.

So i wouldn't feel unhappy or offended if they paid for themselves.

Though i do hope things go both ways so that things that i'm not feeling "okay" about, isn't done (a.k.a being paid for)

#11 Bexerella

Bexerella

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • AF-newbie
  • PipPip
  • 51 posts

Posted 12 December 2009 - 11:55 PM

just so happens i decided to pay for her friend cause she's the only one eating, she suddenly wants tihs and that? (cause i pull out my wallet) hehe. funny experience.


rofl that is too funny. i couldnt do that even if i felt abit jealous. I guess she realised you liked her, and wondered why she doesnt get a treat seen as you are going to pay anyways xD hehe

#12 soul_less

soul_less

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members+
  • PipPipPip
  • 791 posts

Posted 14 December 2009 - 08:05 AM

Its to do with how he's been brought up. As long as you've made it clear that you dont mind paying and dont require him to pay you back when there isnt as cash machine nearby then you can be happy with him paying for you. Its his choice and no point making him change it. You can use the money to buy him nice presents etc.

#13 Shun Takashi

Shun Takashi

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members+
  • PipPipPip
  • 810 posts

Posted 14 December 2009 - 09:06 AM

what about the girls who wanted to be treated by men? what are they? traditional or jumping on the advantage or something?

#14 zzangcorea

zzangcorea

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 35 posts

Posted 15 December 2009 - 03:10 AM

Many asians feel that way traditionally however, I think it is point-less. It doesn't have to be always dutch-paying relationship, but when one's in a bind financially it is ok for the other to pay for. What I'm trying to say is that I feel like it should be some kind of a token of affection, not some kind of obligation.

#15 TrungII

TrungII

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • AF-n00b
  • Pip
  • 9 posts

Posted 26 December 2009 - 09:34 AM

For asian, It's pretty normal.. especially the traditional once.. . i do pay for most dates but i don't mind having my gf pay once in a while :)....

#16 behappyman 2.0

behappyman 2.0

    Asian Fanatic

  • Validating
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 1766 posts

Posted 26 December 2009 - 09:29 PM

I think it's o.k for the man to treat you for a while, and when he needs help, you can treat him. I've treated girls before, and on dates, a couple of girls treated me. It's nothing to worry about. If the person who is treating doesn't mind it, let it happen. It's more to do with the way they are brought up.
  • Anime_X likes this

#17 Alexxxx

Alexxxx

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members+
  • PipPipPip
  • 444 posts

Posted 27 December 2009 - 07:54 PM

i am a guy and paying for everything is just the way i have been brought up and also its old generation, traiditional chinese. New generation or in todays society a lot of people like to do their own thing, take it in turns etc.

Personally i dont care, it would be nice if my gf paid for things (which she does) but still does like it how the guy pays for all things, i am lucky to be with her as she understands i pays for things but will go out of her way to look after me, care and do things for me, she really appreciates it. Since she really appreciates it and will do things for me i dont mind beause after all my money is for the both of us etc.

I also like to share things with her so no point keeping it all to myself and being selfish about it.
  • bunni~ likes this

#18 harangie

harangie

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members+
  • PipPipPip
  • 130 posts

Posted 13 January 2010 - 12:58 AM

In a girl's point of view I think that when a guy pays for everything for a girl its okay but not necessary

I think it's a pride thing for guys and as a girl seriously speaking would you like to pay for everything really?
I think when a relationship starts to grow and continue later you guys will start spending each others money so its no big deal

#19 Aurora Jane Montgomery MD

Aurora Jane Montgomery MD

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • AF-n00b
  • Pip
  • 8 posts

Posted 29 January 2010 - 09:22 AM

i always thought, i'd want to split things evenly or whatever, but I actually like when a guy pays. I would however feel guilty if I wanted to go to a fancy 5 star restaurant, when that happens, I'll insist on paying the entire amount. my boyfriend and I don't split. he's paid 3 of the 4 times and I've paid once. but we agreed we'd alternate. i just feel bad, since I gave my dad pretty much my entire paycheck since I owed him money. I may not always pay, but I don't see the problem in whether who pays. i think that it should be established at the beginning as far as who pays.

#20 garfield0926

garfield0926

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 71 posts

Posted 29 January 2010 - 05:45 PM

I pay 8 out of 10 times. I pay for big bills and I let her pay usually the small stuff.

#21 ashng88

ashng88

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members+
  • PipPipPip
  • 615 posts

Posted 29 January 2010 - 10:49 PM

well if thats what he wants to do and u've expressed ur feeling about not minding about paying.. then i dun see y u should think more about this.

#22 ldtl

ldtl

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members+
  • PipPipPip
  • 642 posts

Posted 30 January 2010 - 06:46 AM

its not common, but not rare either. its just old fashion chivalry and if the guy wants to do that, i say let him ! it makes him feel good and u dont have to pay a cent literally !

#23 seeker123

seeker123

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • AF-newbie
  • PipPipPip
  • 430 posts

Posted 02 February 2010 - 10:23 AM

I guess as students (own experience before) it's difficult to always have the guy pay for it. I sure didn't, in fact come to think of it, I think I got too used to the fact that we were both students so we split a lot of the time. But a few years on now, I believe the guy should pay for things "more often" than the girl.

Some examples

Valentine's Day, the guy should pay, just an act of a gentlemen.
Movies, the guy should also pay (since it's not that expensive only around $15, it's better than having to split the cost and exchange money and give back change, just easier if the guy pays). I mean, movies are pretty much petty stuff, and petty stuff the guy should just step up and pay for it to remove the need to "calculate" who pays what.

But having said that, say sometimes the girl can also pay for some petty stuff, like a quick meal at the mall or some drinks or cheap entry fees to some places ... I mean it's so petty you'd forget who paid for it by the end of the day.

#24 jdm_s2k

jdm_s2k

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members+
  • PipPipPip
  • 146 posts

Posted 02 February 2010 - 11:48 AM

if u keep a tab or track of who paid for what...then u really miss out the good times you guys / gals are having together..

afterall, its only money and u shouldnt be going out or treating if u dont have ...once ur out...have fun...nvm saving....

#25 仁my..benevolence

仁my..benevolence

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members+
  • PipPipPip
  • 255 posts

Posted 02 February 2010 - 02:58 PM

hm~my bf always pay for everything when we on date..to be honest i dun mind it at all ^_^* but in special occasion day i would be the cash machine $$

If your bf really make big deal about that..and it's keep fussing you, how about you buy him a present instead of pay for him, i think he would be happy plus it's your money spent.

#26 ~Xiao A~

~Xiao A~

    meTeoR dreaMers

  • AF-newbie
  • PipPipPip
  • 874 posts

Posted 04 February 2010 - 06:08 AM

i believe that nowadays, a couple must split up the expenses.
but if my boyfriend wants to pay all the time, hey, who am i to refuse? :tricky:

#27 leongal

leongal

    Asian Fanatic

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 2388 posts

Posted 17 February 2010 - 08:18 AM

i like to be spoilt, but i don't want to burden my bf too....he always offer to pay, but at times, I will insist that I pay!!!

#28 af_fan3865

af_fan3865

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 77 posts

Posted 17 February 2010 - 02:34 PM

I generally pay for the main part of the date (eg dinner, entertainment), but she usually reciprocates by paying for dessert or drinks. I think it's just the way we're raised as well as influences from what our family and friends do re money.

#29 wolfjade

wolfjade

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • AF-newbie
  • Pip
  • 17 posts

Posted 27 February 2010 - 01:38 AM

I don't have a boyfriend, nor have I ever had a boyfriend/close guy friend so this may not mean much:

Personally, I feel weird when someone buys something for me or pays for my dinner. But I think if I had a boyfriend then I would only let him pay if we went out to eat (though I'd probably insist on paying him back for my half or insist on buying dessert if we didn't have it the restaurant...), nothing else. And if we were going to movie, I'd let him pay for the tickets if I could buy the food/drinks or vice versa. That's what I do with my best friend: I always buy the movie tickets, she always buys the popcorn, candy, and drinks (it may not come out evenly, but she has a job and I don't...so she doesn't mind paying a bit more). If he were to insist on buying me something, I'd probably insist on buying him something just so that I don't feel awkward and selfish. I'd probably also buy him little gifts every so often just to show him I appreciate what he does.

#30 SQLServer

SQLServer

    0-Day SQL Inject --> Drop Database

  • Members+
  • PipPipPip
  • 591 posts

Posted 27 February 2010 - 03:16 AM

Both parties should offer to pay. I respect that he's being traditional and everything but money hurts relationships.

#31 SomeAsianDude

SomeAsianDude

    Asian Fanatic

  • Advanced Member
  • PipPipPipPip
  • 1617 posts

Posted 27 February 2010 - 03:24 AM

I always pay for lunch, no matter how much she insist on paying some haha but anything else, she can pay :P

#32 damyoungji

damyoungji

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members+
  • PipPipPip
  • 855 posts

Posted 27 February 2010 - 08:30 AM

I personally will not be comfortable if I am seeing a guy who insists on paying for everyone and insists that I take the money he returns if I paid for something when we are together. One of the reasons is because it makes me feel like I owe him something and if I do not do what he wants me to do, he will make me feel guilty for not listening to him. Another reason is the fact that I want to be independent and to be depended on. Sure, I am a bit traditional in the fact that guys should pay, but not for everything. The last thing I want in a relationship where one partner is responsible for this, and the other is responsible for that. If it takes two to make a relationship work, I do not see why there should be a, "it takes one to (insert something here)".

#33 cutie-lovexx

cutie-lovexx

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 26 posts

Posted 28 February 2010 - 02:09 AM

wow i guess there are people who are like tht

but i personally wouldnt feel very good
if it kept going

maybe u should talk to him
and tell him to pay for u once in awhile

but yeh it really is your choices :P

#34 Grayson

Grayson

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members+
  • PipPipPip
  • 929 posts

Posted 01 March 2010 - 12:39 AM

Simple tell him to stop. Is is Korean? They love to choose what you should eat and tends to pay, a bit too macho for me. I like to be able to contribute. Before leaving tell him you will pay, if he does not comply when you get to the restaurant and find out who your waiter will be ask him to pass on the bill to you.

#35 jackandjerry

jackandjerry

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • AF-newbie
  • PipPip
  • 60 posts

Posted 30 March 2010 - 10:49 AM

It is very lucky for a girl to have a boyfriend who is able to afford to pay for everything. but NOT ALL guys are RICH in this world, Does it make sense to you people?? clapclap

#36 yummybecks

yummybecks

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members+
  • PipPipPip
  • 576 posts

Posted 30 March 2010 - 12:37 PM

we split everything half these days.. but i used to pay because he wasn't working.. think it works out the same in the end if u r planning on being together in the future.. but stop complaining and save up ur money if he insists on paying for everything! also if he is a macho kind of guy and expects him to be the only one making money and expects u to stay at home looking after the kids, cleaning the house and not having a say in anything, then make sure that is what u want...

#37 scrabbler

scrabbler

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members+
  • PipPipPip
  • 395 posts

Posted 08 April 2010 - 04:07 PM

I feel very uncomfortable if the boyfriend pays for everything.
While it is incredibly pampering being treated that way but I find it unfair.
To me a relationship is about sharing, giving and receiving. The guy should not always be the one giving. He should also be on the receiving end too!
The ratio for me would be around 6:4/. Sometimes, you just have to let him pay to get that ego boost of feeling needed, dependable and important ;)
It comes quite naturally, actually. It could be a matter of convenience (who has the change, who is closest, who is going to the shops/bar) or like he'll pay for dinner then i'll get him some ice cream later on in the night.
  • AiMango likes this

#38 CharismaticEnigma

CharismaticEnigma

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members
  • PipPip
  • 43 posts

Posted 08 April 2010 - 07:40 PM

Well, His doing the right thing paying for their girl. Some girls don`t like the guy paying for them, it`s because they don`t feel good about it, It`s not a bad thing anyways. =]

#39 ha__yourfaceee.

ha__yourfaceee.

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • Members+
  • PipPipPip
  • 393 posts

Posted 08 April 2010 - 07:55 PM

Aw, I wish I could find a boyfriend like yours. LOL.
My last boyfriend was pretty cheap. -__-
he barely ever paid for anything, and sometimes, its like he expects me to pay.
(and he has a job!)

I think in the asian world, its more expected that the guy pays.
i think you're boyfriend is just being polite. (:

#40 ynotidas

ynotidas

    faq.asianfanatics.net

  • AF-newbie
  • PipPip
  • 55 posts

Posted 09 April 2010 - 09:42 PM

bad.

at first, sure, the guy should pay for all the meals.

but once you start going out, it should be half half or 60-40...

i'd immediately dump a girl who would expect me to pay everytime!!




0 user(s) are reading this topic

0 members, 0 guests, 0 anonymous users