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He hates me cos i hurt him, but he's hurt me too...


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#1 animalcrackerz

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Posted 03 January 2010 - 11:23 PM

Whatevvvvvvvssss

Edited by animalcrackerz, 19 April 2010 - 06:16 PM.


#2 wutang

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Posted 04 January 2010 - 12:33 AM

^TBH, I don't see anything coming out of the relationship, your both too immature. You lash out and make out with tons of different guys everytime something bad happens, that means your not trustable. He probably doesn't even want a relationship, he wants an open relationship where he can see other people, but he doesn't want you to see other people. Sounds like he's trying to manipulate you.

See people who genuinely want a relationship and are ready for one will talk to their partner about their problems and get closure on matters, not make assumptions and lash out. If the guy really gave a damn about the relationship he would try to make things work instead of giving vague statements. People will talk for hours on end to work things out, a guy who won't even give you a minute long phone call to tell you he can't make it obviously don't rank you very high in his book.

BUT, according to the rules of attraction this will only make you want him more, and you will increasingly submit to him to gain his attention. Hell your doing it already.

#3 OhDamn

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Posted 04 January 2010 - 03:11 AM

Seems like you're just a back up. Nothing serious to him, otherwise he'd at least TRY salvaging what's left. And yeah, everything wutang said.

#4 Big_Boss

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Posted 04 January 2010 - 09:01 AM

Holy sh*t its animalcrackerz... *waves*

I'd like to point out that you are looking OFF THE CHAAAAAAIIINNN!!

That means you look hot. Well people look different in pictures anyway.

#5 inertial drift

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Posted 04 January 2010 - 09:48 AM

it takes 2 to tangle. i think its going to take the two of you to talk over your problem and find a way as a couple to work things out.

#6 initialD

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Posted 04 January 2010 - 01:58 PM

i agreed with wutang.

#7 pizza333

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Posted 05 January 2010 - 01:43 AM

hmm.. well wat can i say. I think u sort of did the wrong thing. I dont understand how you can kiss/make out with other guys etc. when u really like him and only want him. u should control urself on this because no one can help u but urself. if u keep being like this.. nothing will ever work out between u and him/or ur love ones. because generally for a guy they want to be with a girl that is really committed and loyal and u by ur actions ur just making him think that ur not really the one for him and constantly will change his mind. He likes u and stuff but after this has happened it sort of changed his mind, because of course for a guy they wouldnt want a girlfriend that kiss other guys/ make out with other guys. I understand where his coming from BECAUSE he likes u he cant stand it anymore after what u have done to him, he has the right to be pissed off/angry and could lead to hate u. U should really stop all this, and shouldn't get drunk seriously. Maybe u should try and do something and make it up to him and have a deep talk about it to him and try solve things together cause thats the only way girl :)

#8 animalcrackerz

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Posted 05 January 2010 - 03:10 AM

I know.. everyone's makin real fair points here and shouldn't do stuff like that cos i know it hurts him, but the thing i don't understand is why he won't get into a real relationship with me when he gets upset with me being with other boys because he's the one who insisted it be open, open means we are free to see other people.. that's the deffination of it.. lol anyways i suppose really no one can help me cos i gotta wait until he's ready to forgive me or talk to me.. but do i hope people get where i comin from here... if he can't handle that he should've just taken up my offer in making it a committed relationship cos i 100% would not have done anything like that :(

Holy sh*t its animalcrackerz... *waves*

I'd like to point out that you are looking OFF THE CHAAAAAAIIINNN!!

That means you look hot. Well people look different in pictures anyway.

Haha cheers :)

#9 Microcosm

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Posted 05 January 2010 - 06:27 AM

one night he ended up staying at mine and i thought i'd made a mistake and that it would be a one night stand, but it wasn't because the next morning he told me that we would still stay friends (we sort of knew each other beforehand) and we started a 'sex buddies' thing, where it was only about the physical stuff,

Look, this already started out on the wrong foot. It's ok that he stayed over, but since when did "friends" starting having sex with each other? There's only two words for that, sex buddies, that's right, exactly what you said, so forget about the crap about being friends in the first place. It never happened.

about a month into this arrangment he went into hospital for something and that was when i realised i really cared about him because i was really worried, i went to hospital to visit him and i think he started to realise that he liked me too because he looked so grateful and it was really cute... during his time recovery he stayed at home for 2/3 weeks whilst i was at uni, i didnt' get to see him so i missed him alot, some of our mutual friends started spreading rumours about him... (i didn't realise they were lying at the time and believed them) basically saying he said he wanted to be with another one of our friends rather than me, so i broke up with him on the night, got really drunk and ended up kissing a few guys...
he comes back, and he's really mad because i didnt confront him and instead believed them, not to mention kiss other guys (although he said i could at the beginning of this arrangement, it had become an OPEN relationship) but soon he forgave me and we carried on as usual

What I'm reading is just like Wutang said, a lot of immature crap. You're telling people here that you're attracted to this guy because he had a puppy dog look while he was in the hospital (doesn't everybody?), and probably because you were sexing this guy up. On top of all this, you believed the gossip over the words of some guy who you presumably liked and turned into an alcoholic over night getting every guy around you lucky. You're damn right he should be mad. In fact, its kind of funny how instantly slapped this "open relationship" status on the two of you. It seems to me like he's telling you that you can keep whoring yourself out to everybody while he can stay open and be cool, slick, and find more sex buddies. I wouldn't say he forgave you, I'd say you just got branded.

Two pieces of common knowledge comes to mind:

1. Sex buddies cannot turn into lovers

2. Guys always win when it comes to having multiple partners whether in relationship or not

You can probably figure out how it applies but let me continue,

About 3 months into our 'open relationship' i jsut couldn't do it anymore, i knew he cared about me and he treated me so well when we were together, but alot of the time he wouldn't reply to my texts etc and i got really fed up, he chose his friends over me and bailed on me at the last minute when we were supposd to meet up, one night he came to mine and i said to him "you can't stop me from seeing other guys unless we have a real relationship" but he said "it just won't work" and it was really hurt...cos i wanted it to work, everyone thinks he was using me for sex but he wasn't!! no one knows what he's like behind closed doors when it's jsut the both of us, it wasn't about sex at all, anyway he told me that he'd be really psised off at me if i kissd other guys regardless of wheter or not it was a real relationship

Like so many people have said everywhere, someone always gets attached in a sex buddy relationship deal, it's just a matter of time, and its most likely the girl. That's why guys shouldn't initiate these things (only because it would hurt the girl, or maybe get him the crabs), and that's why girls shouldn't accept (because they are screwing themselves) But both these things happened so it looks like we have both someone who's uncommitted (this should tell you something!) and someone who finds it OK to get a little on the side. I'll let you figure out who's who, I'm having a hard time doing that.

I also don't understand how you have to guts to call him out on giving you his cold shoulder. You're in an open relationship! He can see anyone who pleases, and he's under no obligation to see you at any particular time. What if his friend was another girl that he was seeing? Wouldn't you be denying his space in the open relationship? Shame on you, you cockblock! He knew it wouldn't work in the beginning because you had the audacity to be getting drunk and kissing other guys so he slapped the "rental" deal on you. It wouldn't have worked with most girls but I guess some guys are just that lucky. So you see why guys always get the better deal when he's allowed to see more than one person. In fact, it doesn't seem like you saw anyone else this whole time so you're clearly not making use of your given relationship flexibility. Making out doesn't count!

the next night i went out without him and got really drunk and ended up kissing some guys again (a really bad habbit of mine.. i know) but at the end of the day, i was technically single and i was just hurt, i just wanted to get back at him, then i set myself to single on facebook even though previously it said 'in an open relationship'

Face it, you've been single since day 1, you acted like it, he acted like it, whether Mark Zuckerberg's said so or not.

ps: i gotta add that since this whole thing he hasn't been with any other girl and i believe him...this is why i don't understand why he wouldn't have a proper relationship with me since i was the only girl he was with anyway!!

Let's get down to the bottom line here. Nobody asks for an open relationship with someone if they're genuinely interested in the other person; they'd just ask for the real relationship, which is not what you were offered and not something that you've shown that you deserve from him. Is he interested? Definitely not because like I said, he wouldn't have asked for a lease if there was clearly an opportunity to buy. Are you seriously that into him? I don't think so; you'd fight your habits harder if you were. He called it quits with you, I suggest you do the same.

#10 animalcrackerz

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Posted 05 January 2010 - 06:19 PM

Wow calm down.. you're getting way too heated when you're merely reading someone's problems, you're acting as if you're in our situations
i simply asked for advice on what i should do, i did not ask for a big f*ck off rant
cheers

#11 CoFFee VampzZz

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Posted 06 January 2010 - 02:03 AM

well there is nothing to do anymore cuz~from the start u both done wrong already...i mean having a one nighter then into a relationship is no problem...but u both agreed on Open Relationship so...itz gonna be hard to get into a serious one unless u both are swingers n dont mind sleeping with other people...girl i think you should stop hurting yourself over this...it is not worth it...if he is not committed or agree on a 100% closed and real relationship it is not even worth it...and that habit of yours LOL~! i noe a fd that does that too...start making out with ppl while she drinks a bit too much lOL~ so yeah that gotta go if u wan a good relationship next time~~well there is always why rumors starts either jealousy or really just the truth...LOL choose which u believe...i would talk to that guy about it first but i would hold back on believing him more than 80% from start cuz a open relationship from start...LOL~ you cant blame him and he cant blame you...but you two arent gonna make it together like this so might as well save the trouble and the pain n look else where ^^ hope u can find a GOOD LONG STABLE JUST YOU AND HIM/HER(dont mean to offend) RELATIONSHIP...BEST WISHES~! and i dont mind drinking with u :xmassmiley: LOL JKJKJKJK

#12 Microcosm

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Posted 06 January 2010 - 06:16 AM

Wow calm down.. you're getting way too heated when you're merely reading someone's problems, you're acting as if you're in our situations
i simply asked for advice on what i should do, i did not ask for a big f*ck off rant
cheers

I didn't get heated at all, and I certainly do not need to rant about other people's problems. People who give the best advices are people who are able to get into people's situations without actually being in it. If you choose to be ignorant and ignore what I've said (which basically said that you were acting immature and so should move on) then that's totally your choice.

#13 SBW

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Posted 07 January 2010 - 02:59 AM

Microcosm probably does have the best advice, BUT it's probably going to be hard for you swallow mostly because it's brutal and blunt.

Thing is, girls aren't the only ones that play the victim card, guys do it a lot, i did it to all my gf's when i wanted more freedom and leeway when in a real relationship. If he was really into you, he will take the time out to sort things between you two, but from a neutral point of view, i dont think he gives a crap. Take it how you will, but really even if you got into a relationship with this guy it quite simply wouldn't last

#14 Gem1990

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Posted 07 January 2010 - 03:00 AM

Seriously hun, if he is gonna ignore you and not try and make it work then it probably means you werent anything else to him. Sorry to say. And I know some people here are being a bit horrible about the whole 'sex buddies' thing- buts its not like you're the only people who have done that...there are many. But truth is, if a relationship starts like that, then that's how it's more than likely gonna end. Just forget about him, find someone else and start a relationship the right way. :)

#15 wutang

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Posted 08 January 2010 - 12:20 AM

I know.. everyone's makin real fair points here and shouldn't do stuff like that cos i know it hurts him, but the thing i don't understand is why he won't get into a real relationship with me when he gets upset with me being with other boys because he's the one who insisted it be open, open means we are free to see other people.. that's the deffination of it.. lol anyways i suppose really no one can help me cos i gotta wait until he's ready to forgive me or talk to me.. but do i hope people get where i comin from here... if he can't handle that he should've just taken up my offer in making it a committed relationship cos i 100% would not have done anything like that :(


Are you daft? He likes you enough to have sex with you but not enough to get into a close relationship with you. He wants an open relationship because he wants to f*ck other women, he gets upset when you make out with other guys because he believes you belong to him.

Males are territorial, we don't like sharing anything we touch. You know how you get angry when someone uses your stuff without your permission? It's like that, when you see other guys it's like other guys are using his things. Also it makes him look good if he sleeps with a plethora of women, but it'll make him look bad if his women is spreading herself around.

#16 animalcrackerz

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Posted 08 January 2010 - 12:56 AM

Okok i've taken in all this advice... just gone back to uni and chances are i'll bump into him, f*ck knows what's gonna happen but i guess everyone's right :S i'll steer clear of him.. we'll see what happens when it happens..

#17 herm83

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Posted 08 January 2010 - 01:38 AM

You're too stubborn... Sometimes its best to let your let your ego and pride go... if he really liked and cared about you maybe he should have put more attention to you then just using you as a "Friends With benefits" type of thing.

You're both wrong but I just feel that hes playing games while you're not.. Move on theres better guys who would want your attention and time of the day.

PS ALSO .. its not cool to kiss other guys while your in a relationship... so you do need to control yourself while you're drunk.

What are you going to do each time you get into an argument? Go get drunk and make out with random guys..

#18 seeker123

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Posted 14 January 2010 - 06:48 PM

wtf you're a b*tch. "got drunk again and kissed a few guys AGAIN" . WTF?

#19 SomeAsianDude

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Posted 15 January 2010 - 02:06 AM

At first I really thought you are such a b*tch haha but then I figure that the problem was from the beginning when you two decided to become sex buddies... its just kinda weird meeting a potential future wife by starting out as sex buddies haha atleast for me that is. Maybe thats why he doesnt want to get into a 'real' relationship with you... that and maybe your immaturity also, like getting drunk and kissing with other people. That could be preventing him from getting into a 'real' relationship with him cause your not being real. Getting his attention like that doesnt work, makes the other person even angrier. But i dunno your situation is kinda complicated... hope you work something out.

#20 muyinglin

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Posted 16 January 2010 - 10:27 PM

Hey guys..i really need advice cos i really have no idea how to cope with this situation anymore..
It's such a long story, basically when i first went to uni i met this guy, one night he ended up staying at mine and i thought i'd made a mistake and that it would be a one night stand, but it wasn't because the next morning he told me that we would still stay friends (we sort of knew each other beforehand) and we started a 'sex buddies' thing, where it was only about the physical stuff, about a month into this arrangment he went into hospital for something and that was when i realised i really cared about him because i was really worried, i went to hospital to visit him and i think he started to realise that he liked me too because he looked so grateful and it was really cute... during his time recovery he stayed at home for 2/3 weeks whilst i was at uni, i didnt' get to see him so i missed him alot, some of our mutual friends started spreading rumours about him... (i didn't realise they were lying at the time and believed them) basically saying he said he wanted to be with another one of our friends rather than me, so i broke up with him on the night, got really drunk and ended up kissing a few guys...
he comes back, and he's really mad because i didnt confront him and instead believed them, not to mention kiss other guys (although he said i could at the beginning of this arrangement, it had become an OPEN relationship) but soon he forgave me and we carried on as usual
About 3 months into our 'open relationship' i jsut couldn't do it anymore, i knew he cared about me and he treated me so well when we were together, but alot of the time he wouldn't reply to my texts etc and i got really fed up, he chose his friends over me and bailed on me at the last minute when we were supposd to meet up, one night he came to mine and i said to him "you can't stop me from seeing other guys unless we have a real relationship" but he said "it just won't work" and it was really hurt...cos i wanted it to work, everyone thinks he was using me for sex but he wasn't!! no one knows what he's like behind closed doors when it's jsut the both of us, it wasn't about sex at all, anyway he told me that he'd be really psised off at me if i kissd other guys regardless of wheter or not it was a real relationship
the next night i went out without him and got really drunk and ended up kissing some guys again (a really bad habbit of mine.. i know) but at the end of the day, i was technically single and i was just hurt, i just wanted to get back at him, then i set myself to single on facebook even though previously it said 'in an open relationship'
basically since then he wouldn't talk to me, i messaged him alot saying sorry and he said that he never wanted to talk to me again but that he didn't hate me and that i made my choice by setting myself as single
He has a point, i shouldn't have changed my status, but i just wanted his attention :( a week or two later, my friend messages him when she's drunk and tells him he's really hurt me, he messages back saying i was the one that hurt him and that i cannot control myself when im drunk.. i can if i had a reason to... i just wanted to be with him, if i was with him i wouldn't have done any of that to try and gain his attention
fast forward a week, on his status he writes "i f**k*ng hate you".. and i knew it was me so i steered clear...
but even now i'm in denial that he hates me, i think he's just really hurt still and i don't excuse wahat i did
anyway i still cannot get over him and i love him so much, i want him to forgive me.. i was wondering, if i should just leave it...or wait until exam season is over and message him one more time asking for another chance
i know there's a few guys who like me who are really nice.. but at the end of the day i want him the most, and i really can't move on until i get some closure, ie: him telling me he deffo NEVER wants to be with me again, but i'm scared.. so i need people's opinions on what to do? :(
thanks

ps: i gotta add that since this whole thing he hasn't been with any other girl and i believe him...this is why i don't understand why he wouldn't have a proper relationship with me since i was the only girl he was with anyway!!


from what you tell me he's a good guy. but from writing your post, i think you are immature to begin with. if you really love him, you shouldn't be kissing other guys. i don't care if you were drunk because using that excuse is just an excuse that ANYBODY can come up with. if you were really down, you don't need alcohol to ease your pain. that is the worst way, you're just trying to escape from reality. you said you changed your status to single because you wanted his attention? come on, if you really think about it, you're just making things worse. who does that? in the end you messed it all up because you chose to believe other people and not him. please use your head next time before you get drunk and you might end up sleeping with some of those guys. i'm sorry for being so harsh to you but the truth hurts i know.


Seems like you're just a back up. Nothing serious to him, otherwise he'd at least TRY salvaging what's left. And yeah, everything wutang said.


how was she a backup? from what she mentioned he was a good guy he wasn't in it for the sex. of course we wouldn't know that but if she insists then we would assume that he's a legit guy. did you read all of the post? this girl gets drunk and fools around with other guys using "under the influenced" as an excuse.

Edited by muyinglin, 16 January 2010 - 10:27 PM.


#21 OhDamn

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Posted 17 January 2010 - 03:56 AM

how was she a backup? from what she mentioned he was a good guy he wasn't in it for the sex. of course we wouldn't know that but if she insists then we would assume that he's a legit guy. did you read all of the post? this girl gets drunk and fools around with other guys using "under the influenced" as an excuse.


regardless of wheter or not it was a real relationship

i was technically single and i was just hurt, i just wanted to get back at him, then i set myself to single on facebook even though previously it said 'in an open relationship'

ps: i gotta add that since this whole thing he hasn't been with any other girl and i believe him...this is why i don't understand why he wouldn't have a proper relationship with me since i was the only girl he was with anyway!!


Sounds like a back up to me.

Edited by OhDamn, 17 January 2010 - 03:58 AM.


#22 redding

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Posted 17 January 2010 - 08:05 AM

you have to do something for him. either going out and buying something really nice that costs alot of money, or baking something that looks so expensive to make, and make sure you have a card that explains how sorry you are. and bring it to his door. if he takes it, mission accomplished. if he doesnt take it, wait at his door until the next morning if you have to, with whatever you have. better if its the cake because it will go bad and make you look even more helpless and desperate for forgiveness. the needier you look, the better it is. you have to make seem like you went out of your way just for forgiveness. when you get to see him, give him whatever you have and tell him that you dont care if he doesnt take you back, i understand if you dont want me anymore because if it was me, i wouldnt take you back either. i know i hurt you alot, and i know how much you dont want to see my face. just know that i really really am sorry for what ive done and ive always loved you and i still do. right now, this probably sounds like empty words from a sl*t, and thats ok, i really cant hope that you will forgive me anymore. so all i can hope for now is that whenever you think of me, you wont think of some horrible mistake.

and leave it at that. basically you make yourself look small, weak, beaten down, helpless, and desperate. and remember to cry for gods sake. i know you girls can cry on command. if he feels sorry for you and hugs you remember to thank me. if he doesnt, dont worry. those humble things you said plus your tears wont leave his mind. remember, deception is key to survival.

#23 animalcrackerz

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Posted 19 April 2010 - 06:10 PM

Ahh holy crap, feels like ages ago that i had this problem..hahaha
you know what, everyone's right, it was all my fault..mann if i cared about him enough then i wouldn't have gotten with any other guys regardless of wheter or not we were in an open relationship
he's not a bad guy... eventually got him to talk to me and he told me i really hurt him the first time round and he couldnt bring himself to forgive me even though we got back together
he's still vindictive when i see him around, but atleast i know the reason now...hahaa...lesson learnt