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What if you found out your partner is infertile....?


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#1 gucci9ers

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Posted 05 January 2013 - 10:13 AM

lets assume your current bf/gf or husband/wife is infertile.... what will you do? assume you love him/her a lot, but will you break up with him/her?

#2 MadameMary

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Posted 05 January 2013 - 01:14 PM

Ofcourse not.
As much as i'd want children from him i'm not about to leave him for something he cannot help.
We'd figure something out, If you're a couple you're in it together right? You don't just abandon someone for something they couldn't help.
You wouldn't leave your partner if they got sick right?
This is one of those things that you must overcome together and it's not the end of the world.

#3 DrBroscientist

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Posted 05 January 2013 - 03:00 PM

Adoption or surrogacy.

#4 Nitikie

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Posted 05 January 2013 - 10:35 PM

Only selfish people would leave.

#5 WilIiam

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Posted 06 January 2013 - 11:28 AM

See a gynae to get help. Usu it can be resolved easily

#6 Meow ♡

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Posted 06 January 2013 - 01:24 PM

No. It's not their fault to begin with. If you really love a person, these kind of things don't matter much.

#7 mi.ny.veg

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Posted 06 January 2013 - 03:00 PM

I wouldn't leave him, as long as we're on the same page. Adoption is a great option, saves me some pain too.

#8 MichaelD

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Posted 06 January 2013 - 03:46 PM

Stay and love her like she has never been loved before,,,give it all to her :)

#9 Kim4ever

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Posted 06 January 2013 - 06:11 PM

Easy, I love him no matter what, so I will stay with him. There are ways to have kids, if we want them, but I will never leave someone just for that reason! Posted Image

#10 Hot*Treasure*in*the*Snow

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Posted 07 January 2013 - 07:48 PM

Adoption

#11 Linnh

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Posted 10 January 2013 - 11:46 PM

Adopt and love him with all my heart because it is now I know he needs me the most.

#12 Kwok Jing

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Posted 11 January 2013 - 10:10 PM

Of course I would not leave her. I would not want adoption either. I think we can live without kid. If we can't have kid, then we don't have to work as hard. We then live in smaller house, spend more money on holidays, foods, cars...

#13 XDshirley

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Posted 15 January 2013 - 04:22 PM

Doesn't matter, just fate that i shouldn't have kids.

#14 teddyc

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Posted 17 January 2013 - 11:27 PM

Only selfish people would leave.


If someone has their own agenda, they're selfish. Pretty generalized statement there. How about if someone is selfless, they must be stupid then.

My suggestion is to bring an addition to the family. As you pointed out that infertility is the problem here, which describes a women who is unable to carry a pregnancy to full term, and since my suggestion comes from that of a man, my suggestion is to introduce a concubine into the family. We've been solving the problem of infertility with this solution for thousands of years and it's worked perfectly well. I'm not going to let some "nouveau temps" fabricated legal opinion stop me.

#15 Linnh

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Posted 18 January 2013 - 11:16 AM

If someone has their own agenda, they're selfish. Pretty generalized statement there. How about if someone is selfless, they must be stupid then.

My suggestion is to bring an addition to the family. As you pointed out that infertility is the problem here, which describes a women who is unable to carry a pregnancy to full term, and since my suggestion comes from that of a man, my suggestion is to introduce a concubine into the family. We've been solving the problem of infertility with this solution for thousands of years and it's worked perfectly well. I'm not going to let some "nouveau temps" fabricated legal opinion stop me.


Share You'r man with another woman? Do You think it is fair? She never wished for this, so she has to be punish because she can't control her own body?



#16 Yevgeniya

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Posted 19 January 2013 - 03:02 AM

Actually I'm one of those people who can't picture having kids in any time in my near future...so infertile wouldn't be a problem.

#17 teddyc

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Posted 19 January 2013 - 06:59 AM

Share You'r man with another woman? Do You think it is fair? She never wished for this, so she has to be punish because she can't control her own body?

Why are you equating sharing to being a punishment? Are you too selfish to share? Why can't you think of your husband having a concubine as you allowing the family unit to increase in size?

#18 Linnh

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Posted 19 January 2013 - 09:13 AM

Why are you equating sharing to being a punishment? Are you too selfish to share? Why can't you think of your husband having a concubine as you allowing the family unit to increase in size?


Yes when it comes to everything els I can share, but not My man. Do You ever think about the feeling for people who can't have children? They Are hurt enough because they can't have children, and now You want to push them more into the wall because of this? So not thinking about You'r other half's heart and feelings Are not shelfish? Btw so You think it also is alright for a Lady to have another man if her husband can't give her a child?

Edited by VLinh, 19 January 2013 - 09:20 AM.


#19 mi.ny.veg

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Posted 19 January 2013 - 09:31 AM

Why are you equating sharing to being a punishment? Are you too selfish to share? Why can't you think of your husband having a concubine as you allowing the family unit to increase in size?


Will you share your wife with another man because you are infertile?

#20 sterlingbeauty

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Posted 19 January 2013 - 02:30 PM

Posted Image

Edited by sterlingbeauty, 19 January 2013 - 02:30 PM.


#21 teddyc

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Posted 19 January 2013 - 02:34 PM

Yes when it comes to everything els I can share, but not My man. Do You ever think about the feeling for people who can't have children? They Are hurt enough because they can't have children, and now You want to push them more into the wall because of this? So not thinking about You'r other half's heart and feelings Are not shelfish? Btw so You think it also is alright for a Lady to have another man if her husband can't give her a child?


What if your husband really wants a child? Is it not selfish of you to not allow him to have his child? Are you not selfish to limit the size of your family? Isn't it selfish of you to only think of your own feelings?

Will you share your wife with another man because you are infertile?


If a man was infertile, he'd try to get in bed with as many women as he can knowing there won't be repercussions of having a child out of no where. If you were doing so many people, you probably wouldn't have time for your wife anyway.

#22 Linnh

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Posted 19 January 2013 - 02:47 PM

What if your husband really wants a child? Is it not selfish of you to not allow him to have his child? Are you not selfish to limit the size of your family? Isn't it selfish of you to only think of your own feelings?



If a man was infertile, he'd try to get in bed with as many women as he can knowing there won't be repercussions of having a child out of no where. If you were doing so many people, you probably wouldn't have time for your wife anyway.


So you mean it is not selfish of him to would want another lady because he want a child and not thinking about my feelings?

#23 teddyc

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Posted 19 January 2013 - 04:18 PM

So you mean it is not selfish of him to would want another lady because he want a child and not thinking about my feelings?

So in a marriage, who's feelings come first, yours or your spouses?

#24 Linnh

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Posted 19 January 2013 - 04:39 PM

So in a marriage, who's feelings come first, yours or your spouses?


Spoiler

Edited by VLinh, 19 January 2013 - 04:42 PM.


#25 teddyc

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Posted 19 January 2013 - 05:56 PM

If you say it that way then we will never get to an conclusion, because if I think about myself then I am selfish, but if you think about yourself then you are selfish, so either way then it is selfish. But I think I end this discussion with you here before I get to off topic.
Thank you for the talk btw Posted Image


Think of it this way and you'll see where the conclusion leads to.

If both parties have the other party as their number one priority, then the husband will say "I love you the way you are, so you continue to be my wife." The wife will say "I love you too, but we need to ensure that the family line continues, I want a child no matter what. Better yet, I'll introduce someone into the family who will have this child for us." That's one way how a concubine is introduced into a family. Both husband and wife are happy because she keeps her husband, and he gets a child and a second wife.

I'm not arguing about the premise of who is selfish here. I'm stating historical facts that have taken place for thousands of years and has formed the people we are today.

#26 MadameMary

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Posted 20 January 2013 - 06:26 PM

A second wife? He keeps her as a second woman? No thank you i'd rather have him leave me then for some other woman straight away so i am free to find myself a man who developed beyond " but we've been doing this for 1000 of years!" We aren't uneducated uncivilized like those ages anymore. The streets used to be filled with filth and feces and they tried to cure dangerous deceases by waving a bag with flowers over your head.. Now i don't know about you but we're i am from we developed beyond that. Now i am not saying there is anything wrong with having another woman carry a child for a couple IF that is what all people involved desire. But to call a woman selfish for choosing she doesn't want such a thing is ridiculous. You sound like you're a bit of a misogynist with a "a womans only worth is childbearing" kinda mindset

Edited by MadameMary, 20 January 2013 - 06:27 PM.


#27 Nitikie

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Posted 20 January 2013 - 07:13 PM

Teddy didn't see your reply to me for a while there.

It's not always the female who is infertile either so a concubine wouldn't work in all cases. In your case maybe but would your wife let you? That's the major question.

For me and my husband I can tell you it would be a definite no as we've spoken about kids already. He jokes of course but the answer is still no. He wants a kid but he respects me and loves me to where he doesn't want me resenting the child or him.

There comes a time when ones wants aren't greater then the others. You can be selfish but how much are you willing to lose over obtaining what you want?

There are rare women who would say yes to a concubine but most will not. There are medical advances today so I'm sure they would rather go that route then to let their husband sleep with another women. Surrogates would be the most preferred method then a concubine.

Edited by Nitikie, 20 January 2013 - 07:22 PM.


#28 teddyc

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Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:20 PM

A second wife? He keeps her as a second woman? No thank you i'd rather have him leave me then for some other woman straight away so i am free to find myself a man who developed beyond " but we've been doing this for 1000 of years!" We aren't uneducated uncivilized like those ages anymore. The streets used to be filled with filth and feces and they tried to cure dangerous deceases by waving a bag with flowers over your head.. Now i don't know about you but we're i am from we developed beyond that. Now i am not saying there is anything wrong with having another woman carry a child for a couple IF that is what all people involved desire. But to call a woman selfish for choosing she doesn't want such a thing is ridiculous. You sound like you're a bit of a misogynist with a "a womans only worth is childbearing" kinda mindset


People weren't uneducated or uncivilized 1000 years ago. As a matter of fact, since we are on the topic of concubines and infertility, only the educated elite working in the civil service were allowed to have a concubine. Even the rich were forbidden if they were not educated an part of the civil service. The uneducated were strictly forbidden. I'm from a country that speaks English which is probably your case as well because you clearly demonstrate an ability to carry on a conversation at a native level.

Women are more than just worth childbearing. Even as a man, I'm profoundly offended at that. As a man, I can say that a woman provides a lot more than just that.

Teddy didn't see your reply to me for a while there.

It's not always the female who is infertile either so a concubine wouldn't work in all cases. In your case maybe but would your wife let you? That's the major question.

For me and my husband I can tell you it would be a definite no as we've spoken about kids already. He jokes of course but the answer is still no. He wants a kid but he respects me and loves me to where he doesn't want me resenting the child or him.

There comes a time when ones wants aren't greater then the others. You can be selfish but how much are you willing to lose over obtaining what you want?

There are rare women who would say yes to a concubine but most will not. There are medical advances today so I'm sure they would rather go that route then to let their husband sleep with another women. Surrogates would be the most preferred method then a concubine.


As we are on the topic of infertility, we'll just stick to that. Technically, only a woman can be infertile as only women can produce offspring. Men cannot get pregnant and produce offspring. Give a woman a sperm and she can get pregnant. Give a man an egg, and he can only eat it.

I think communication is key in this. If for the greater good of the family, and with the right message incorporated, I don't see why she wouldn't. I don't see why she would be so selfish in barring me from having children and at the same time cutting herself off from the love of her life. A concubine serves the purpose and provides the best of two worlds.

#29 Coralie

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Posted 21 January 2013 - 09:44 PM

If someone has their own agenda, they're selfish. Pretty generalized statement there. How about if someone is selfless, they must be stupid then.

My suggestion is to bring an addition to the family. As you pointed out that infertility is the problem here, which describes a women who is unable to carry a pregnancy to full term, and since my suggestion comes from that of a man, my suggestion is to introduce a concubine into the family. We've been solving the problem of infertility with this solution for thousands of years and it's worked perfectly well. I'm not going to let some "nouveau temps" fabricated legal opinion stop me.


Your conclusion and logic puts me a loss for words.

I hope you're the kind of man who will be happy sharing your wife with another man if you should ever discover you're infertile.

If not, it's a quite a hypocritical statement you're throwing out here.